You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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