i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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