just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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