1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
