how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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