she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
