Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
