did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
