i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize