Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
