It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
