I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
