The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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