i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So vagazzling was a success
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
