5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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