Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
