she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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