The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
