Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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