Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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