More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
