he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
