i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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