There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
