At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
