sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
