oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize