is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
