shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
