I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
