i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
