she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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