My nipple is on Facebook.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
