It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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