I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
