she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
