Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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