You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
