I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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