oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
