Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
