Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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