Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
