She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You may now shotgun with the bride
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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