It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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