Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
did i just pee glitter
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
