His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
