I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
