fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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