fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
