Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
