the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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