using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
