so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
