Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Randomize
