i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
