do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize