dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
