Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
