cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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