Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
