After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
