Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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