How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
