So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
