Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
