you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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