I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sober January is a disaster.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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