Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
