Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
