We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
