Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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