my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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