Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
