Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dicks are not precious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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