if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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