i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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