I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
