I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
