he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
