I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
