I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
