If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
