You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
