Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
