we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
