Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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