Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize