If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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