these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
